. w a i t i n g .

I am a proud and open feminist. That's the most concise way I can think to describe it, and it still rings true.

But I have a problem. And that problem is this nodule of "fighting patriarchal beauty standards" of feminism.

So here's the deal. I understand, love, adore, and promote the core value of that nodule - that high heels and shaving/waxing and make up and weight and all these other things needn't be something that you endure to adhere to a man's idea of what's attractive. I agree with this whole-heartedly.

I also shave/wax, wear make up, love my high heels more than any other shoes, and worry about my weight. And I feel a little excluded, sometimes, as though I'm a hypocrite, or not doing my part.

We rant and rave, and rightly so, about misogyny and the infantilization of women in society, so why are we also doing this amongst ourselves, especially within the group that should be most averse to this? I happen to like make up for accentuating parts of my face I like. I want to be thinner for health and comfort reasons. I love the way heels change my posture into something more than what I am.

I'm a big girl, and I'm making these same decisions to do as you are to not. They're not for a man, they're for me, and when I feel more confident, I am more attractive. I don't need my peers, my identified network, to other me for not being the same, when the whole manifesto is to strengthen each other.

So when I see praise of women who choose not to do these things, but the praise is more along the lines of "Look at her, doing this thing to further our cause" and not "Look at her, doing what is comfortable for her regardless of stigma", I feel like I'm being labeled a traitor.

I'm not adhering to beauty standards to please a man. I don't want to adhere to bucking convention to please my sisters, either.